Speaking, three stages of dating a narcissist apologise, but
My husband, a CFO of a global bank, good looking, popular, clever, and charming. He was never violent, nor filled with raging anger, yet he was a Narcissist. When my marriage ended, leaving me with our much loved and planned for 8-week old baby daughter to raise, I was confused, angry, depressed and in such a state of shock, that it took me years to fully comprehend what had happened, which you can read about in my upcoming memoir. Trying to I read many articles on narcissism, they all seemed to have criteria of personalities all filled with rage and violence, which confused me for a very long time, as my husband did not display any of these characteristics, yet was an extreme narcissist. Narcissists are extremely clever, and they never reveal their true self to you, until they know they have you completely blinded by their immense spell. They only display who they think you want them to be.
You are not crazy, insecure or delusional, simply you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Get out before this stage if you can. Walk away with your head held high and cut off all contact. Look inside yourself. This is a free step-by-step process, complete with downloadable guide, that will help put the focus back on YOU.
Narcissists are damaged human beings, and no matter how much you want to help, support, fix the man you love, you cannot and will not change this man. He is who he is and will continue to be this person. Leave and you will find somebody who will be able to love you fully. He might tell you a million times a day that he loves you, but if you watch his actions, they are not actions of love. Love makes us feel safe, wanted and protected.
You know deep within your heart the emotions you are currently receiving do not make you feel like this at any time. My strongest advice if you resonate with my post above, is to lace up your Nike runners on and run, run, run as fast as you can away from this toxic relationship while you still can.
And if you are on the other side, then know I survive a marriage to a narcissist and you can too. Take the 5-Day Challenge to start living your life again as you should. Sounding familiar? The next day I contacted him via fb and got you guessed it the cold shoulder. I was so incredibly angry I sent him an long angry message that told him he has been using me since day 1 for an ego boost.
A couple of weeks later. Finally he responded saying he was in a bad place had a hard time with divorce but no reference to my letterno apology. That was in December.
In February I received a text saying he wanted to meet me at cracker Harrell, that he finally got out of his dark place. I went. He strutted in and kissed me like he owned the place. I thought it was arrogant of him. We talked and decided to start seeing each other. Buying me thingsmoving in with metaking over. At this point the showeringbof love had dwindled. While at his house he was attacking my character then said I was too sensitive.
He told me to leavehe was done. I ended up in the hospital with grief. Discarded just like that again. After a month or two he contacting me apologizingwanting to meet me at my sons graduation. I reluctantly agreed. After graduation he took my boys and I to dinner and apologized to them for how he treated me. Eventually I moved in with him and things went down hill. He convinced me to marry him for insurance until we could have the ceremony.
Everything was my faultI needed therapyetc etc. Well, I gained 50 lbsI went to therapyhe continued to stack my character and one day over text he through me out. Telling me to get my shit and get out.
My son was with mehis dad had passed away and he was depressed and a mess. We moved in with my dad that day and I could barely hold my head upbut my so. I got him into a program and then I broke down. I tried contacting my husband but got nothing. Next day another email. He wanted to meet me and tell me about his new found epiphany in therapy. He cried and cried and crie apologized. I agreed to see him off and on, never committing and he knew that. Wellone day over text he told me he was the most loyal man in the world.
He got angry and said if I said that again I would never hear from him again. Once again discarded. He said that If I apologized and promised To change my behaviorthen I could come back to him. I told him I never left. That everything was my fault etc etc. He decided to get a house where he was instead of moving he said there was nothing for him where I lived.
He did this without telling me. I told him I never left. Well, I was at his house the day before and he refusedTo see me. I was there to see my son, not to come back, but still, what if I had wanted to come back?
During these times he kicked me out and got rid of mehe threw me under the bus to friends and family. Telling them I was too needy. His ex told me he was a narcassit he definitely does Things to get admiration and is an expert in hovering and discarding. I guess I have trouble with thinking this is all premeditated.
But reallyI regret even speaking to him again after he threw me out the first time. Thanks for sharing. A lot of this has happened to me. Knowing that it will not change helps me.
Suzy your story made me as tired as my own. I am so sorry you went through what you did. I hope you are in a better place at this point in time! He swept me off my feet put me up on the pedestal. I was his princess. During that time while my brother in law was in jail for a year my husband then was sleeping with my sister.
I could not for the life of me wonder why for years he openly and publicly accused me off sleeping with another man while I was pregnant. He spent 30 years discrediting me and turning 5 kids against me. He removed and slept with any friend I had male or female. All the while accusing me of the same behavior.
The 3 Stages of Dating Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Months into it I realised he had a drinking problem Thats when most of the abuse started. First it was the cheating while I was pregnant to relieve him of his indiscretions. Then the threats of him taking our then 1 yr old daughter to his family to raise if I left him. He accused me of indiscretions with his brother to again alleviate him.
My second child was premature and the stress of losing her and being hundreds of miles away from he we lived way up north so they couldnt care for her there and shipped her south without me to a neonatal unit. During that time I deveopled anxiety attacks that eveyone told me was just me going crazy. Years of crippling anxiety social anxiety depression and 15 years of insomnia left me a puddle on the floor.
It took years to pick myself up and get out. I did left for a year and his antics and assassinating my character to everyone we knew killed me. He slept with 3 of my best friends, my sister and one my gay best friend. Would discredit anyone I tried to be friends with and find something wrong with them all the while skirting behind my back with them.
Accused me of making him impotent by accusing him of cheating. Told me after I left him for the third fourth fifth time i dont remember now how many times that he was seeing a counsellor because I broke him and said the counsellor told him half of what I say to him is crazy bullshit then 4 days later found out it was a lie no counsellor?!
He has ruined my relationships with all my family members. Having outside support is not a thing I have no one and have had no one on my said for years because he cares so much about what other people think that he has painted me as a crazy selfish bitch. No one really know who he is but me and our kids but they all protect him. He used them as a shield and runs to them everytime there is even a small fight.
He has lined my kids up in front of me to make me admit I was and am a cheater. They hate me and love him. And here I am alone still here no place to go in absolute fear of everything taking it all again worse each time. I cannot get my head straight enough to let go. I am 50 now and the regrets are destroying any hope of a positive optimistic future. I am broke have a criminal record I took for him at 24 to keep him out of jailNo clue that I would pay for years for him!!!
No education left school in gr 9 to run from a mother who was a nasty bitch. No friends and no light at the end of this tunnel!! I Pray everyday it does.
I could write a book on what he has done how my life played out. Its insane to even think I put myself through that. I always thought I was strong enough to not put up with it. But to raise my kids I DID just that. I hate him cant stand the site of him but WHY when I do leave him am I fearing for my life always in a panic to get back to the abuse and needing his reassurance on everything?.
He figured I would be nothing a nobodyWhy do I always feel trapped and yet am not? I pray for a future a safe and loving one or am I doomed to just be useed all my life? Toys furniture books clothes food shelter cars and he just upped and left. How do you reconcile that? Mine three weeks old. So much that i cant even begin. Last fight he accussed me of thinking i wassuperior to him.
Hes already on to his next. Which i swear to god is crazier than him. Hang in there Erin. It takes time and often sometimes therapy. I was in a year marriage with a narcissist who had me fooled since we were in high school together 30 years ago! Just know that this person was broken and damaged before they ever met you and that none of it is your fault. There is no rhyme or reason as they are a rational and not normal and their behavior.
There are normal men and women out there who do not behave this way and who know how to love and be loved. Not sure. I know. Mondays always come. A pretty good article, my only criticism would be that the article seems to imply that only men can be narcissists. I am a man who has experienced being in a [short term] relationship with a female narcissist; the article accurately describes the phases I experienced. Jake I do not imply that at all. In over blogs I may choose a different pronoun here and there.
I am so sorry to read this. Try not to react, hard as it may be - remember with a narc, any reaction is still food for their gigantic ego, and we must all remember how hungry they get. I wish you luck my dear. You have dodged an enormous bullet.
Be thankful, heal and move on with your life. I just ended a very short and intense roller coaster ride with my narc. I could have killed myself. I pursued her for months before she finally agreed to meet me. I took one look at her photo and told him he was an idiot and she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
I found her on Instagram and told her. This was probably the perfect line to interest a narc. She eventually agreed to go on a date with me after I had just gotten the most adorable french bulldog puppy. I mentioned that I was looking for a dog sitter while I was going to be working for three weeks on the rig, as this is my work life and schedule. She pretended not to hear me, but the day before I was going to leave without finding someone reliable to watch me dog, she showed up out of the blue saying she wanted to move out of her place and take care of my dog.
I agreed to give it a chance for 9 weeks, as I would have been gone working for six of that time. I went to work for three weeks while she pursued me everyday sending me pictures of my puppy and her with her family and in my home.
Pretending to be the perfect little law student house keeper, and daughter. She kept hinting that she wanted to be my girlfriend. By the time I got home I had already agreed that we were a couple. I was warned by my friends and neighbors when I got home that she might not be who she appeared to be, but I thought they might be jealous and I figured I could use the next three weeks to decide for myself.
She knew exactly what I wanted, because she had asked me before we where dating and she played the part well. I had given her the script! She said she was taking a break from work, and it was the holidays so no school. Now I doubt she has a job or studies anything other than manipulation. It was sex, shopping, love, and a beautiful loving home.
Said she wanted my children and we were already planning our future. It was time to get back to work, and that is when the devaluation phase when into full effect. I was starting to have doubts, and tried to get her to accept a phone from my uncle, and that I would bring her a phone for Christmas, but she was unrelenting.
She emailed constantly for the next 3 days. I was distracted at work, and finally agreed to send the money. She never even said thank you. What followed was a horrible power struggle and manipulation. She was out of touch claiming to be out of the city for the weekend without service, but I could see through WhatsApp my messages arriving her phone.
I confronted her about her communication, and accused her of being deceptive. She deflected my accusations and turned the blame in my direction as being controlling and possessive.
She steadily grew colder and distant. She would contact me for money for her grandma or a dead relative or some other dramatic event, and I would question her for information and try to rebuild the relationship. I knew she was cheating on me by now. I had no proof, but I could feel it, and I started to doubt anything she said, but I was also doubting myself and started to question my own sanity.
Was it really me that was responsible for destroying this relationship? One day she came back. She was sending me naked photos and telling me she loved me. She apologized for being cold, and said the death of a family member had been troubling her. Then she asked me for money to buy glasses for her grandmother.
I agreed but I was skeptical. I was testing her and dragged out the transaction claiming problems with my bank and the holiday to see how her communication would be. I was due home in just over a week, and was going to make her wait. I was playing the manipulation game back, and she was infuriated. She was insulting and accusatory. She blamed me for being controlling. I admitted faults and tried to make peace, but she refused. She refused to oblige to anything I requested or said. We were in a struggle for power.
I was battling myself to see if I was insane, If I had sabotaged the best thing that ever happened to me, or if I was correct and she was cheating on me and gaslighting me. I was obsessed with finding the truth.
When I got home I went through her stuff. She had a random moto helmet, and her sex toys were missing. I looked through the camera footage in the building to try to catch her cheating, but it was too time consuming, and I believe she was seeing her man outside of the house, because she had been leaving my dog with the neighbors for days and days. I was ready to throw her out without a smoking gun, just for refusing to meet me at home after being away for three weeks, but she had planted the might be pregnant card several days before.
Finally two days after Christmas she sent me the pregnancy test result from a clinic. She said she was pregnant and wanted to know what I wanted to do. I was floored. I told her we had a lot to resolve in our relationship, but I wanted to be a husband and a father more than anything in the world.
She came home, and I had bought her flowers and Christmas presents, She went to the salon for 4. I was broken. I thought I would be obliged to her every whim and desire for the next 18 years, but I refused to give up on my child. The next day I, because I live in Colombia, I asked the guys at the garage for my motorcycle if they could look up the plate number on the helmet to find the owner. It turned out to be an old mans that drinks at the liqueur store next to my house.
She was hiding something. I was confused but angry because she had told me it was her brothers helmet. I confronted her trying to keep my calm, but I was boiling inside after weeks of manipulation lies and losing touch with reality. Which was true. She left again for four days, saying she needed to get away from me to save the baby.
She was going to let me believe I was insane and had ruined the thing I wanted most in this life. I was in the darkest depression of my life for two days, when out of the blue her friend rescued me, showing me how she had forged the pregnancy test result. I went from being ecstatic to depressed again wondering how someone that loved could do this, or if I was ever worthy of being loved by anyone.
I talked to a psychologist and she basically blamed me for allowing someone to treat me this way, and wanted to focus on what happened in my past that I would seek this sort of relationship. This article has allowed me to understand what happened to me. That and having the truth revealed.
I am able to put all the pieces together and see her and the situation for what it is. I was chosen as a victim. I had something she wanted, Money and status, and when I started to withhold those from her, because I was starting to see the cracks, she got desperate and grew to contempt me. Until the time she got the things out of my house was a battle for control and manipulation.
She texted me through her friends phone after I blocked her pretending to be the friend and giving every excuse whey only she could come get her things and that her father was dead, and she had to come at 4am in the morning.
I had to go to the police and threaten her that I would pursue extortion charges. She came the next day on her time and she left with the money, clothes, and phone she had manipulated out of me. I was out in nine weeks. It turns out she is actually 19 years old, after pretending to be She smeared my name, and told everyone I was abusing her and that the she aborted the baby.
I am still working to rebuild my reputation. She is a master manipulator. I fear the damage she will be capable of when she is 27 when she learns to be less sloppy, and more disciplined. She could have gotten everything from me within a year, I would have had bought us a house, and who knows what else. Do your diligence and act stupid and loving until you have the truth. This place keeps me sane and on track. My wings are getting stronger everyday. At 54 I have my doubts that a healthy loving relationship will find its way to me, but one always has hope.
I feel the same way! I thought I found my prince charming, even got engaged! I got a text message and refuses to talk to me and defriended me, no contact at all.
After 6 weeks I am stil reeling, in therapy 2x a week and still would consider taking him back although I know hes an ass! My heart and head just cants separate. At 54 in a few months, I cant imagine in my little town that I have options and a healthy future. My cinderella story was just that with out the fairy tale ending and I am devastated. I was dating a man like this for about two months.
What started off as extreme and abrupt over-the-top attention and affection, gradually progressed into sudden, overnight withdrawal and then abuse. First he pulled away blaming me for every minor thing, then he came back apologizing, but still also blaming me. After that, the same pattern emerged again, only worse. Promises to text or call and never actually following through, cancelling a date last minute only to re-confirm again and then cancel again, the same night.
Accusing me of overreacting when I called out his constant pattern of making plans and then bailing on them without any explanation.
And when he ended things blaming me again for everything, I was still begging him to come back. Wow, never again. This article was a real eye opener. This was enlightening. After an 18 year relationship and 16 year marriage, 35 days ago I learned my husband was having multiple affairs, one lasting ten years.
No remorse shown although he will say he has destroyed our lives. I see why thoughhe feeds off this as well.
4 Phases of a relationship with a narcissist
He did most all of these things in the article as this cycle occurred over and over and over again. Not engaged in family life, did most everything by himself, very self-absorbed. He could be loving and responsive but that is usually when he is the center of my or someones attention. As we move through the divorce process, I am realizing I need to distance myself as much as possible because he still tries to suck me in and succeeded a couple times.
I hope and pray that he recognizes this, and although many say there is no cure, that he too is restored. Uff, Dominika. Very sad to hear that. He left without a word, blocked me on his phone and cut all contact. If I tried to end the relationship he made it look as if I was crazy and he had to leave me.
I want to warn the next one who he has just slept with, after a week from making me feel special. Reading all these comments and information has reinforced my fears for months but I blame my self for being so weak. I too begged for him to come back like an addict after their fix. I need to concentrate on feeling sorry for him and elated for my escape. His parents just sit and watch them come and go and unfortunately I was on that list.
The bafflement is how? How can one person cause so much pain. There are great adventures ahead, no narcissists involved!
Was in an abusive marriage with a woman like this. Hit the discard phase and she cheated on me after 6 mostly horrible, abusive years. Much like what is described above she had no empathy at all and not a clue what love meant.
She discarded my love for the attention and flattery of pigs. Also counting myself lucky as I never had children with her, never bought a house and through some kind twist of fate my confidence and self-worth is still in tact. My father- I am. My Dad has emotionally abused two wives and discarded them- he is 83 and is now with a 55 year old woman.
This article was a great reminder that as his daughters we are always targets. David J Riley. I am hollowed out. Stayed for same reasons but have to share custody because he is an expert on how to look like dad of the year.
Addendum to my original post. Maybe my personality helped me to not get into it much more deeply and that kept her interested in me, because I was a challenge for a lot more time than all the people she had met previously. She always complained that I was very hard to get to, that I did not show my emotions very often, that she was always there for me if I wanted to open up or if I wanted to be vulnerable. I need advise on how to respond to my soon to be ex-husband. He is now dragging this out for as long as he can to use every penny i have borrowed to fight him.
Do i just give up and give in? Is there a way to play this with this sort of person so i can at least come away with a roof over my head? I, too, was the victim of a narcissistic sadist - put me through the hoops in court, lied, manipulated the finances etc etc! He still pulls stunts that leave me baffled as to his cruelty. How anyone that does what he does and sleeps at night eludes me!
But then when one can sit on the bench and deal out punitive life altering methods to average people and sleep at night it must be a piece of cake to abuse an ex and take pleasure in that abuse. Documenting is everything and goes great in the eyes of the courts!! After 13 years of marriage!! Another thing that is keeping my sanity is what is called divorce care at a local church. Oh my word Sandy it makes my heart ache for you. Not a good position to be in but none of us are ever left to do anything but defend ourselves and pray.
I hope his karma comes back to haunt him. I hope you find the help you need to fight this monster! I nearly got caught! Told me his wife was horrible to him and Oh I am ashamed to admit I believed him.
Sep 04, Dating a narcissist woman! This video will talk about dating a narcissist and narcissism when it comes to stages. You will be able to identify what this is with the narcissistic personality Author: Apollonia Ponti. Stages to comes it when narcissism and narcissist a dating about talk will video This woman! narcissist a Dating Attractive be must They popular, Typically, area some in gifted extremely or rich phases, three follows always Narcissist a with relationship A Phase Over-evaluation The target a choosing when careful very is Narcissist A status their on based victim a choose will they phase. Mar 25, The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three.
He dumped me 25 years ago out of the blue and it took me 6 years to get over his cruelty. This time it took me 2 days to erase him.
In those 25 years I became a doctor and learned all about NPD types. So when I got with him again I watched him closely. I was on my guard and I cringed at all his love bombing tactics. I challenged him on an issue that hurt me and bang! He was gone but not before he lambasted my character and made out I was horrible to him. So I sent him the diagnosis of NPD and advised him to get help.
Then blocked him from contacting me. I really pity all the people who get caught with this type of sicko. And there is usually no cure as they will never admit they are the problem. Now I can see that his poor wife was probably just another person on his long list of victims.
And what I think made things a bit different is that I never gave in completely because I always had my doubts. My belief is that I became her target because she thought I had money and as my last name is very unusual, confused me for someone with social status.
We dated for two weeks before she proposed and I said yes. We got married two months later. She showered me with gifts, compliments, fliers, etc etc etc.
We got an apartment in a fancy neighborhood and at that time I was driving a very recent model European car and she was always showing it off. A year later we moved into a house and she got obsessed on converting it into a magazine- worthy model, which she did at the expense of getting into huge debt for which we fought almost everyday for a long time. In two years we built a very successful construction business on which at the beginning i handled the administrative part and she handled the operational part but a year later she got sick and I had to learn the trade and take over completely.
It was then that I realized that most of the time she presented herself as the brains of the business and the only owner. We fought for that reason and she said that it was because nobody liked me. She even got the nerve to say that it was thanks to her and that job that I got food in my table to feed myself and my two kids from a previous relationship.
It really hit a nerve and started to change my perception about her. Nothing would be good enough for her. Nothing was worthy enough. I would never work hard enough even when I worked hours a day, I even got called lazy.
And after working all that time I was expected to take care of her because she was sick, cook meals, take kids to school, etc.
Where I got caught into this relationship was that she was very good to my kids and my family and worked really hard to improve our financial situation, to make everything better for everyone. She always made sure that the kids got some sort of vacation or time away during the summer. I almost could say that she truly loved us but the disease won her over. By that time she had already been with someone for 7 months, I found out later. When I told her to stop lying and contacting me she got in a rage.
After a few weeks she called crying and told me that wanted to come back, made all the promises she could and sadly, she convinced me and came back home.
I did not believe what she said and did not expected her to change anything but still I tried for a few weeks.
4 Phases of a relationship with a narcissist
Later, I found out that she came back because she needed me to keep working with her and that after he moved back to my house she got back with this lady almost immediately but kept the facade that she was trying to fix things up with me for two more months.
Part of what made the decision of leaving her so difficult was that my older son was preparing for his first year of college and she made sure to be present at all times.
She agreed but changed the strategy: this time she started sending me text messages early in the morning, calling me at all times, saying good night, basically being nice. It did not change my plans and finally last Friday I told her that whether she learned or not my part of the business it was my last day at work. About an hour later apocalypse unfolded. She not only faked the whole fixing things up issue but she had been lying to her current wife.
To me she was telling me that she wanted to fix things up, to her wife she was telling her that we had a strictly professional relationship. Her wife asked me to meet both of them without her knowing to unmask her and so we did.
Three stages of dating a narcissist
Did I love her? Yes, with all my heart. Will I ever be the same? Definitely, not. Did I forgive her? I think I did but who I cannot forgive yet is myself. I lost my job, my self esteem, friends my money and myself because of this psychopath. I completely can relate to everything all of you are saying.
I spent 22 years to my Narc,the whole time something always making me feel like I have never been his priority,he was a member of church,very intelligent-engineer,climbed the ladder like a breeze,He got promoted and his job then took him out and town frequently,I had helped him care for both of his parents at their passing, was an amazing stepmom to his older two daughters,treated him like a freaking king.
The two things I have always taken pride in who made a priority is my job as a mother And the other one was, the pride I had and took being a wife. And I have read where if you view guys mentioned you have any friends or anybody else, I wish there was a way we could help each other before the worst really happens. We now feel blindsided, angry, and betrayed. So we are left constantly questioning what went wrong.
We no longer feel a connection to him and wonder if the person devoid of all emotion is the same person we love. We fear the happiness we remember was just a fabrication in our mind. The narcissist has robbed a piece of our soul and we desperately want it back. This is a deeply confusing and emotional process because intellectually, we thought we knew better. But he is so adept at projecting and leading us to believe whatever happened is our fault. Simply questioning the narcissist will cause him to push further away and punish us with the silent treatment.
Being ignored feels so horrid that we will forget why we were upset with him and apologize emphatically to try and win his forgiveness. He preys on this kind of attention, and is incapable of recognizing any personal fault. Our self-esteem has plummeted and our self-respect has diminished. We assume the downfall was our fault.
We have become so intertwined in making this person happy that we will exhaust and lose ourselves in the process. We start to question our own morals, wondering if we deserve this abusive treatment.
This relationship is bound to end when we are no longer a conquest and cannot fill the emptiness he is constantly seeking.
The three stages of Narcissist Abuse are Idealize, Devalue, and Discard. They can cycle around and around until YOU get it and stop the cycle. IDEALIZE. Narcissists choose a target for many reasons but to qualify as a 'great target' they look for your vulnerabilities that . Usually, when dating or being married to a narcissist, you will experience a week or so of good times, followed by many weeks of toxic and terrible behavior. This pattern will continue dragging you down into depression. I urge you to seek help if you think you could be in a narcissistic relationship. The longer you endure this, the worse the. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase. The Over-evaluation Phase. A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area.
The ending feels so awful because we put all our energy and effort into pleasing someone who was never going to genuinely reciprocate, and is too self-absorbed to acknowledge our pain. The partner we once trusted has completed the narcissistic cycle of abuse and needs to draw the energy and innocence from a new victim.
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