Much intj female difficulty dating has
Tessa has been a confirmed INTJ woman for more than 40 years. For every five hundred women, only four have an INTJ profile. Natural leaders and highly competent they may be, but they are often misunderstood. Here's why. It's one of the sixteen Myers-Briggs profiles, the most popularly utilized psychometric test in the world. Corporations often use the MBTI to determine whether the person is well-suited to a particular job or not.
Ask why and how it came to be. Sharing personal information for a greater cause is easy. Just talking about ones life, for the sake of talking is a waste of thought, mental space and time.
Its not a therapy group. Its a study group for more depth. Because ive BEEN researching! A space where we explain how we differ from the "guidline" of how we are described and why, what lead us there. We already innately know ourselves.
We shouldnt look for a gold star. We should raise awareness. It might help a lot of children and parents better assist and parent. It will help schools, businesses everyone if awareness of who each person is, and how to best communicate with each personality we come across and which approach to take. Some people are just being medicated for their personality.
I lost track of time and didnt sleep for three days, i was talking to myself and got lost in a debate with myself and all the paradoxes of every beleif and religion. Trying to mathematically simply it all down and find an abstract approach to blend them together. I had fun. I have adhd and insomnia. So, I had a great time. And others would view this as crazy.
While they're doing the types of drugs that leave permanent damage. Instead of saying the basics of INTJ's we need to dive into this personality with more depth.
For the sake of our sanity and privacy and peace. Tell me how do my family accept that there isnt anything wrong with me and im not throwing them away or depressed because i like spending so much time in seclusion. And their assumptions about why, are annoying. Inaccurate and insulting. And ofcourse they dont understand how its insulting. Because they fail to think about what they are saying or hearing it. Luckily Im not going to stay with them any longer and I will go back to living on my own.
But, guys Not for us to understand ourselves Think of the children guys.
So many parents need to be educated because, I'm in south Africa. Smaking your child is not illegal. And respect is something that older people are owed. And it cannot be questioned. Perfect for us INTJ types.
Wouldn't you know! I'm not a freak after all. One thing I'd like to know though. Are there any INTJs out there who are nurses?
I feel like I'm a work in contradiction. I like being a nurse but I also often feel like I can't deal with people. It seems though that most everything said about INTJ is true in my case. Tessa, thank you for this article. Any thoughts on the nursing thing? I am a 50 years old INTJ. My Introverted scores are about as high as you can get. That does not mean that I hide from life. Instead, after my adventures with other humans, I go home to my quite space and recharge and relax.
I wake up everyday knowing that I am unique, I am misunderstood, and that I make people uncomfortable. So I use these natural talents to the best of my ability. I was a science teacher for 18 years. I moved to the job of principal where I am very good at analyzing teachers, students, data, schedules, rules, regulations, budgets, and parents. I do the right thing regardless of external pressures.
I am an advocate for my students and what is best for them. I do not like parts of my job, parts of my job I love. What I am saying is the label is not a limitation. Yes, I usually dress in black and where no makeup but once in a while dress up.
I love fantasy novels but I get obsessed with research. I like non-fiction that is more fantastical and don't like the Nobel winning prize stuff because it is always based on the humanities.
If I have to read about the humanities, I prefer non-fiction. I'm a female INJT. I started researching my personality type because I knew I was a bit different than the average person. People don't understand how I can be both creative and logical.
I think architect is a perfect description of what it like for my brain. I envision things I want to create, and I understand that it takes a practical or mathematical way to achieve it. One of my hobbies is sewing and it fits beautifully into this.
I love thinking about creating things and following the engineering and math to make it happen. I definitely like planning and order, but I feel like it gets mischaracterized as being "close minded". I like how its pointed out that INJTs are actually very open minded. That is exactly how I operate. We are open to new ideas that are valuable.
Not the case for others.
I do feel like this type is a paradox that others don't understand. I definitely don't automatically abide by authority either. I make my own judgement on it. I questioned things early in life and am an atheist. One other pecular trait I have is that I found I do not prefer to read or watch fiction of any sort. I much prefer Non fiction over everything else.
I'm wondering if this is the case for other INJTs. Here trying to learn about INTJ women, where they congregate, and how to go about meeting them. As rare as they are, I figured some due diligence is in order. The comments that the article has elicited are interesting. I'm going to print it so that I can look at it in more closely when I have more time to do so.
Hey Tessa from SA, found your comments on death more interesting than most. Not the strange co-incidences you described, from an evolutionary point of view our brains always subscribe some mysticism to unexplained phenomena or mere co-incidence. We create explanation's to reduce our fear and I can see how that is rational as if we think we understand perhaps we can control. We also have a romantic part of humanity that perhaps likes to suggest the unexplained or mystical.
What I found more interesting was the lack of ego that often prevents us from acknowledging the most probable future we all have. I suspect we will all probably cease to exist in any form. This may seem depressing to some, but I like Tessa's acceptance of this. I work in academia, and we're all over the place! You'll also find us working in libraries.
I rarely feel out of sorts I'm surrounded by bookish women who generally ignore each other because we're lost in thought, and the great thing is, nobody is offended. Unfortunately it's a problem when we have directives to accomplish - too many independent thinkers and not enough followers sometimes. Great article and perfectly correct. I also don't agree with the person who thinks Michelle Obama is dressing nicely just to get attention.
I've been a solid INTJ my whole life and in my late 20's, discovered that I look and feel amazing in beautiful sexy clothing. Why not celebrate that ct of my life? I celebrate every other ct of this short existence, leaving one thing out because it may not "fit" with introversion an incorrect assumption is silly.
Bottom line is INTJ's love all sorts of things in this world and they explore them intellectually as well as by having experiences. We are formidable women! Clearly the fact that I have tested INTJ on three continents repeatedly during the past forty years must be incorrect. Does that make me or anyone else with more evenly balanced scores less of an INTJ? Those who are more evenly balanced are actually better decision makers.
Not much I can do about it. Personally, I think she is an amazing woman. You say her behaviour is not characteristic of an INTJ. She behaves much as I would in the same position. Does the fact that I love dressing beautifully make me less of an introvert? How so? Remember introversion and extraversion are on a scale. You cannot possibly see inside her head, so this is your interpretation.
How does it generate confusion? Extraversion is, however, more highly prized in the USA, both inside and outside the work force. This is my writing, and it does not reflect the views of the website anymore than facebook posts represent the views of Mark Zuckerberg.
Lastly on detailed analysis. You have no idea what analysis Michele Obama undertook. She is not speaking to other INTJs. She is speaking to a cross section of the general public and needs to be understood at all levels and by all people. I do much the same thing when I write. I am known for it. I absolutely do not think that she is an example of an INTJ and hope to see her image replaced with another black or other minority woman in the future. Presenting Obama as a high profile INTJ is harmful to women as it generates more confusion about a personality type that is among the most difficult to understand in the extroverted workforce of the U.
Michelle Obama has clearly gravitated towards high profile politics in the limelight and there were numerous events in which she used lavish fashion to draw increasing attention to herself. That is not characteristic of an introverted personality. To best support my position, I will rely upon an example. I have never been a follower of Obama, but there was one random televised event in which I had the opportunity to clearly see her personality.
She held a press conference immediately following a return flight where we watched the Clint Eastwood movie, American Sniper, which is based on the "Autobiography of the most lethal sniper in U. She adamantly implied with pride that this motion picture is about an American hero who clearly deserves to be exonerated as a model of heroic military behavior. Overall, her attitude was purely political and implied: I fully endorse this motion picture and the hero, Chris Kyle, and therefore expect my following to also support this.
The issue here is not her position. The issue is her behavior in a larger context that clearly demonstrates that this behavior is not characteristic of an INTJ. Just prior to her flight experience, the mainstream press was filled with articles about the movie analyzing Chris Kyle. This generated controversy about whether this most lethal sniper should be regarded as a model for U.
During the press conference, her behavior indicated that such intellectual dialogue should be ignored and that her own opinion was what really mattered, deserving support and a following of. This is not the behavior of an INTJ. First, unless the INTJ is a military behavior expert, he or she would most likely avoid getting involved with such controversy.
An INTJ would not allow a spectatorial, political opinion, aimed at complete disregard for intellectual analysis, to be elevated to a much higher level. In fact, the INTJ, as thinking processor, would be attracted to the intellectual analysis as stimulus for an intellectual journey, which they always love as an engaging challenge to arrive at the final, correct judgment.
Obama's behavior was actually trampling on that intellectual journey. Please replace her image with another minority woman who is truly a model of an INTJ.
I came across this test at a point of a "finding myself" period in life. Ive come to call myself thatotherZulugirl because I have noticed I am not normal just the other one that most people do not understand me and I fail at having to explain myself everytime I'm with a new group of people.
The fact that I also do not like being out there does not help my social life too, which I am happy with. I do not like conflict or worry or anything hasty Most people get frustrated with me and it does worry me when its my loved ones.
I have left a job because I did not want to comply to what the big boss likes and I would do it again. I live in SA and most people do not believe me when I say I have not paid a bribe to a traffic officer when stopped for driving over speed limits. I grew up excelling in science and maths but did not study it further in exception to human sciences. I love social science, love reading peoples views, criminal minds, analysing peoples behaviours, preempting their reactions etc.
I must be honest and say I do use this intellect to strategise and manipulate situations. Oh yes, I also have a huge storage of information that I would not ever use again, my friends always tease me about wasting my brains storage space. I have a nurturing nature being a Zulu married mother of 3, which tends to conflict when I instinctively have to define myself as a person, not a mother, wife or big sister. My parenting skills are different, a stubborn and not so submissive Zulu wife.
Also, if I had to say all this instead of writing it down I would utter only one sentence.
Dec 26, To make it a bit easier for all of us, we will list down the traits of these women, to get to know them a bit better, and also some tips and tricks on dating this type of woman. Traits of an INTJ woman. She's your so-called female brother-she gets along with the guys, but she also knows how to show her femininity. We already know that all. INTJ female, difficulty with dating? I am an INTJ female and I find it extremely difficult to date. I will meet a guy and within 5 minutes I have analyzed him and know whether I can tolerate him or not. Sometimes I will even give him a chance but it never fails to turn out in a disastrous manner. Dec 12, Tessa has been a confirmed INTJ woman for more than 40 years. She is also the author of 'The INTJ Woman - A Rare and Lovely Lady. INTJ women respond differently to being told they are INTJ than men do. Less than 1of females fall into the INTJ classification. When dating an INTJ female, it's best to give her space and treat her professionally Reviews:
Demi Rasmassen, you are so right! Awesome insight. I know for a fact that I take tremendous glee when scientists or some expert arrives at a conclusion and I've known that for more years than I can remember! And I totally love learning new things. I am totally addicted. I read between four and eight hours every single day. Sometimes I will read through the night. That was even happening when I was 14!
A thought on the convergence of giftedness and INT personality types: the intelligence is inborn, and from infancy we take pleasure in how it operates.
This leads, to some degree, to introversion, as the interesting stuff that gives pleasure is going on in our heads. While still young, we hypothesize from past experience an iNtuitive process and are delighted when our hypothesis turns out to be true. If we verify that with our Thinking, the personality preferences that develop are INTP, since Ps prefer their perceptive process - in this case iNtuition.
Or, we enjoy putting thoughts together Thinking and drawing conclusions from how well the concept flies in reality J. We store up those verified Thinking experiences to draw upon in the future, the iNtuitive process.
BTW, learning reliably triggers the brain's pleasure receptors. In both cases, the pleasure we take from our intellectual process reinforces the developing personality preferences for giftedness.
Was going to post something regarding my personal experiences and feelings about being an INTJ female. But, then I decided it was irrelevant. Yes as an INTJ I admit to most of the behaviours mentioned when I am interested in someone for either friendship or romance.
I am 50 years old and have just taken my first MBTI assessment. It was one of the free online assessments but it is scarily accurate! However, I am also a people-pleaser who worries about what others think of me. I'm not sure how this fits into the profile? I was raised in a home with an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. Perhaps this has something to do with the people-pleaser tendencies? I think we're more sane, more aware, and probably more aware that we don't have the answers.
Then we drive ourselves to distraction because we want the answers. Death is a difficult thing. It's the ultimate loss. I have made peace with others to death because I will be 66 in a few months and all around me, death visists. I personally don't believe that there is anything after death, so I try simply to accept that I don't know the answers. I don't know if there is any purpose. I don't know answers to life's most pressing questions. I simply don't know, and I have come to accept that.
You will always feel the loss of that important person. My mother has gone. My brother has gone. Friends have gone. I've had some odd experiences, though, and I'm going to share them with you. I can't explain them, and the brain is a funny thing. I used to have a friend.
Intj female difficulty dating
We were at school together. He wanted to marry me. I was not romantically attracted to him, but he was important to me.
I last saw him when I was 25 or He said to me, "Tessa, I thought you would be dead by now, but instead you grow more and more beautiful. About 6 or 7 years later, I was married to someone not even remotely suitable. I was woken from a dream by the telephone ringing. In the dream, this man walked into my room, looked around and said, "You know, if you had married me, you wouldn't be in this situation. The phone woke me, and I picked it up. It was my sister telling me that the man had died the previous day.
Another time, in another city and another place, I kept thinking about a mutual friend of myself and that guy, also from school days. For about a week, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I kept hearing her tell me that I never told her anything.
And that was true. I didn't consider telling anyone anything.
Intj female difficulty dating. Thanks for support. Tax sites will be here are truly wanting to dating can. Difficulties and they go on the back of color and let genital herpes can absolutely be spurred by something to be a. An easy answer, most smart women says though birger will be closing quickly, i . Frankly, several things affect how easy or difficult it is to meet someone to have a relationship with and on a personal level, there are at least 3 other things that make it harder for me than being an INTJ woman does. To name one of those things. Dating as a female INTJ is insanely difficult. We're often misunderstood and for that reason, it's important to remember these INTJ female dating tips so you can really get the most out of a date. P.S. I've read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality.
I didn't even know that anything I had to say was important, or that other people might want to hear it. I turned to a colleague I was working with and said, "You know, I have this friend from school days, and I can't get her out of my mind. I keep hearing her say "You never tell me anything," and wanting to understand why I never confided in her. She said to me, "I know you and Lynn were close. I just wanted you to know that she died last week. I don't know the answers.
I don't know if there is life after death. I don't know the answers to life. I have come to accept my life as it is. It isn't about pursuing happiness.
It is about being content with what I have, because what I have is all I have. It is about being in a place of safety, of having sufficient money to look after myself, and it is about enjoying the wonderful views around me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today is all I have. And today is all you have. Be at peace. You are an INTJ. In many ways you see more clearly, and if the view isn't one you like,at least understand you can see it Others can't. I'm female and consistently 'INTJ' on these tests.
I'm academically pretty capable always done well in fact but have never scored high on raw IQ tests, only in exams. I am not mathematically minded to save my life, although I have a scientific career. I think there is a lot to be said for the 'pragmatic' part of being an INTJ and how one adapts.
For instance I know how much happier I am with friends - my friends all like to hug, like to make small talk etc. Not because I'm interested in small talk at all, or that I've suddenly become a big fan of physical intimacy, but because I know it's a way that I'm connecting with my small!
Equally I am never rude to people, in fact I think I communicate pretty well, because I know it never pays to be rude. And in fact it's not even just about pragmatism on this one, I very much value kindness and I consider people who are rude even inadvertently, to lack insight.
Having said that, it's all a product of A wanting to be a nice person and B a hell of a lot of learning on my part to know what to do to achieve that. I've learnt how to follow social rules and niceties to try and blend in because it's genuinely worth it on my part. There are few social rules where it doesn't make sense because social repercussions are so negative. I struggled with it a lot as a kid, feeling left out and alone, and had a steep learning curve to try and assimilate with the majority.
I'm still nowhere near an average person. I spent most of my life thinking there is something wrong with me, socially, and I still do.
I definitely struggle with romantic relationships and for all that I feel extremely competent in most parts of my life, I haven't the foggiest. I wish every day that I had been born differently because the irony of being socially awkward and introverted is that I actually as an individual really crave acceptance. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your happiness revolves around being 'normal' to a certain degree then you can be that with work.
That's part of being pragmatic, and what are adaptability and problem solving for if not to solve this very big problem! What I have struggled with a lot is the emotional side of things. I am a very emotional and sensitive person part of why I've worked so hard on my relationships with friends and I unfortunately somebody extremely important in my life was killed a few years ago. Since when I have really struggled and I don't know what to do. I have tried seeking counselling - but I just can't accept it.
They want you to open up and talk to people about it, but I don't know about other INTJs but this is exactly as helpful as hitting my head on the wall. And I've really engaged, I've told them everything because all I want is to make it easier, but all I do is put myself back into a real state. I would actually be really grateful if anybody knows how is a good way to deal with things, or whether I just have to resign myself to being a bit of a mess forever and hope time.
I feel like it's my personality and perspective which stops me engaging in a meaningful way, I feel like I'm just following orders with no results. I have rechecked Milgram's figures, and clearly since the time I wrote the article, the numbers have changed.
I never write anything without checking it six or seven times. I will have to research it further. Thank you for pointing it out. I'm uncertain where the numbers came from and the statement about an INTJ not complying with authority. While I can imagine this very easily, I'd imagine that many people could imagine that they wouldn't actually comply if an authority figure asked them to do something questionable.
I'm an INTJ woman as well. I remember that when I was tested I was the only Intj in a group of I would have expected more since it was a room full of software engineers and analysts. I identify with a lot of things everyone else has said but with a couple differences. I'm very adept at understanding people's emotions and motivations.
I use this ability constantly as a way of getting others to do my bidding not nefarious just slightly manipulative, and often just a way to help motivate. I'm good at leading people, but never volunteer since I would prefer that someone else have to do the hand holding. Perhaps the emotional ability was a learned response to my narcissistic ESFJ parent narcissism as diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
I'm often hostage to her emotions, with my own pushed down. She of course did not get treated for her disorder as treatment was no benefit to her.
Anyway, I guess I'm trying to find out if anyone else is good at the emotional ct. The video on telling if an INTJ is interested is so accurate is painful. Helps me not feel so alone in this miserable dating thing. I just discovered that a female INTJ. Until now, I thought I was some kind of alien lost on this planet. I successfully spent much of my life fighting an overtly coercive, judgmental environment full of expectations. This result comes at a moment when I am rethinking my professional pathway.
I often had to compose with earning a living in the "REAL" world and today I am prepare to explore my full potential and abilities for myself and to continue to sustain my family until my children can fly on their own. Thank you once more for these valuable information! INTJ, mother of a 4 year old. I concur that this article is spot on. The one thing I would say though is that it is also important to pay attention to the degree to which you fall into each category, I.
Jif you are borderline on your I, for example, then maybe some of these points aren't as relateable. I have a very hard time relating to other mothers and making mom-friends, though I want them.
Being over 40 means that many non-INTJ females that are educated and live in my area are more open and less judgy than when I was younger and I am hopeful that since my child is an off the charts E we can form some bonds. Thankfully there are a lot of non-pretentious high-achieving intellectual women with children my son likes I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments!
I myself, was raised by a mentally ill mother and was tortured and abused by my step-father from age Promptly following, I married an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. My point is this; having grown up in a place where my gifts or talents were not only not recognized, but stifled We are truly complex individuals and often misunderstood, however, as I have made it my goal to gain knowledge and understanding of myself, today I fully appreciate and love the unique person that I am!
I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments and discussion. I only recently discovered my female INTJ status and have been wildly intrigued as I have always felt 'different' than the vast majority. I found it interesting that someone brought up the topic of upbringing and childhood bc I was raised by a mentally ill mother and tortured and abused by my step-father from ages I know that this has stifled my abilities and caused me to bury what I now know to be 'rare yet beautiful' qualities and gifts.
I was also married to an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. I 'played' the role of submissive wife for far too many years! Today, I am proud to say that I'm happily divorced and as I near my 40th birthday, I am discovering who I am truly.
I thoroughly enjoy these articles and sites that speak to our uniqueness, our intensity, and our lovely layers! I never never knew about this before 4 or so months ago and as I say, what a relief! It explains a lot to me about my whole life and thoughts up until this age I've reached I liked this article and the interesting comments.
About the romance thing, I'm in a relationship of around 25 years and I think the reason is that I get left alone most of the time and ignored by a quite eccentric partner who is crap at talking through anything and at any kind of decision making and conflict. So, traditionally speaking, it's a sucky and unfulfilling relationship, but from my INTJ perspective, it's mostly fine and I make my own decisions and get left to think my own thoughts and would likely have not tolerated a more traditional kind of arrangement.
Really interesting! I'm an ENTP, so not particularly rare at all, but I think it's fun to learn about the other personality types, so thank you for writing this. Very awesome! Carolina, you mean you're jealous? Life sucks, I know.
Jun 09, INTJ women are one of the most flexible and interesting characters of the MBTI personality types. Only of the human population are INTJ females, so they are also the rarest personality type. You're unlikely to find an INTJ female, especially if they don't want to be found, due to the INTJ preference for staying [ ].
Interesting to note also that Women with INTJ were inborn and they have it developed from within their structure and personality. Hey I would like to share this new fake ultrasound design from fakeababy. The best for gags and the best gift ever. It is amazing and so funny. Check it now. Regarding trying to explain to others why we are like we are, I would be very careful whom you chose to discuss this with. People hear what they want to hear and you can't control how they interpret what you tell them.
They may feel you are merely making excuses for your behavior. They may even see your explanation as a confession of some sort of personality disorder. In a work situation, this can present a real problem because the slightest hint of "personality disorder" can sabotage a career. INTJ Female I wonder if there are similarities in childhood and upbringing? If anyone would like to discuss this further, please drop me a note! I'm an INTJ female. In college, I took the test in a Personalities course, and the teacher was a certified tester.
Once I began looking up the personality traits, it all began making sense. I always thought I was so weird for not acting like other girls and women. My poor mother growing up had no idea what to do with me. I was overly shy, didn't always make friends easily, would argue if I didn't think something made sense, and was happiest lost in books on my favorite topics at the time, dinosaurs and whales, hahaha.
I was so happy to find out I wasn't abnormal, just rare. Now here's an interesting twist. Thanks for this website and I love all the comments. Like their childhood counterparts, female INTJ teens do not often meet the expectations of others.
Many INTJ females will become competitive in their teenage years. The way in which this competitiveness shows itself will differ from one INTJ female to another, though academic superiority is almost universal. This can highlight the elevated self-regard and arrogance characteristic of the INTJ. INTJ girls are often disinterested in appearing like other girls and do not usually feel obligated to adhere to gender-specific standards. As a result, it can be difficult to find peers with whom she shares enough common interests to found a deep or lasting relationship on.
If an INTJ girl is self-confident enough, she will make lifetime goals and plan for success. Others may not deal with the lack of support as well, losing themselves in anxiety or even depression. Struggles with low self-worth or self-respect can both lead to and be caused by the perfectionist habit of comparing oneself to others and to impossible, internalized standards. This can deepen anxiety in social situations, making it increasingly difficult to relax.
Pressure to meet social expectations can drive the female INTJ to take refuge inside her own mind in order to avoid external judgment. INTJ women hate being stereotyped into mundane gender roles. When seeking a fulfilling relationshipan INTJ woman will look for a person with whom she can create an equivalent partnership, where both partners invest in one another and help each other to reach their life goals.
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We are just not interested to connect with most guys. I had some relationships. Guys find me attractive. It is really that I am not interested or I was too busy with my study or work. This is so true. Gosh, I am so realistic towards my goals and even tried hard to ignore any love signs. Guess love story is not my jam for now. I still in lost when I am writing of romance storyboard, I am suck on understanding emotions or even relaize my own feelings Help me God.
It also clearly articulate what women actually hear when you say things. Sidenote practicality is greatly appreciated by some of us as long as it is conveyed with finesse for some women especially feminine ones it makes us feel safe and well provided for. First off, excellent analysis!
I think you are spot on at least with how romance works with me. As you alluded to in the first bullet, I also maintain that burning passion for romance, but keep it locked in tight within the constraints of reason and logic.
A couple of things have helped me along the way which may be useful to others. The "romantic" stuff to someone is much easier for me to write than speak.
Naturally, I can edit what I write before they receive it. As my total interaction - especially with a new romantic interest - can be itemized as a series of "if, then" statements, writing frees me of some of the uncertainties or the "I need to change tactics right now" of a conversation. And, especially when written by hand it can be romantic. For a "date", I try to do something with them first before a dinner. Maybe a walk along the water with them or a visit to a zoo.
This helps build conversation material that I can use to keep her from getting bored! I chuckled at your comments in number 4. Basically, "Seek, find, and secure".
Quite guilty. It is so much easier to just identify milestones and work toward them - changing only the conditions, but keeping the task and desired end state the same You mean that doesn't work? Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and recognizing so much of the "don't dos" in me. So in light of that, as a follow-on maybe the "day after Valentine's edition"? I think logic and reason help us more than other personality types, but once that outer shell is pierced, it can be difficult to mend in a timely manner.
It looks like I may need that! Flirting always felt so artificial; I never could make sense of it! Silly, silly article. I find the title annoying and abrasive, to be honest.
And who are you to instruct me on or any other INTJ on the topic? You like to point fingers at people and say Let me tell you something Maybe this stuff is news to some, but I think most self reflective INTJs know these things about themselves already. You know, most INTJs are not going are not going to change significantly in this regard. And if a non INTJ is intimidated from our high intelligence or if they cannot match it they probably shouldn't date us.
Less intelligent partners bore me to tears. I wouldn't even pursue such a relationship. It would not work for me. Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. I might be selective, but that doesn't make me a snob! Please keep in mind that some people are more highly evolved, have done more psychological work and therefore have become more integrated over time. This is a statement of fact and not an argument for elitism. It should not be assumed that your readership is 'know nothing' INTJs that require instruction.
Maybe that's your targeted audience. But this form of instruction is a 'hard sell' because most INTJs are self reflective, sensitive and critical of their faults.
They probably have a better sense of themselves than most types. Therefore, a strategy to communicate using gross generalizations is not going to be effective at reaching a large audience. PersonalityJunkie does a much better jon in that regard, informing rather than preaching or instructing. For example, this article's statement: "we [INTJs] have not yet developed any sort of vocabulary to describe what's going on in our hearts.
I am in touch with my feelings and I can express them quite well. It's not my natural 'go to' or preference, however, I have developed my feeling side over the years to the point that I sometimes test INFJ.
INTJ Female on Sarcasm and Emotional Intimacy in Dating
INTJ behavior can be context specific. Respecting your INTJ readership means respecting individual differences and stages of development. Let me offer another perspective. I feel quite comfortable with my relationship to romance as an INTJ. I am not born a romantic. And I do not plan to become one any time soon. It hasn't been an issue with any of my partners either.
We are okay with not celebrating Valentine's Day. We find ways to be intimate in our own ways and on our own terms. Secondly, it would be inaccurate to say that INTJs are awkward with the dating game. Rather, it would be more fair to say, we don't to play the "dating game". It's stupid and unnecessary. The establishment of mature, adult intimate relationships between two consenting adults does not require game playing. INTJs are not incompetent idiots when it comes to romance.
INTJs don't value to superficial elements and rituals that men and women go through to make it into the bedroom. We have integrity and personal values and high standards to which we follow. I also have a problem with grand generalizations made about all INTJs because inevitably you will find exceptions.
Perhaps it was an attempt to be lighthearted and humorous, however, it should be acknowledged that people are not Myers-Briggs types. People are individuals. And if an INTJ is really having that much difficulty in the relationship department maybe they should seek out therapy rather than consult a blog article. I am the greatest flirt around. Most people consider me a natural. I have not had difficulties in engaging with men.
Chalk it up to self confidence and comfort with my own sexuality. I also have a dry sense of humor which some people do not appreciate or find appealing.
To each their own. How about embracing and celebrating differences rather than trying to get other people to fit a mold or an ideal that no real human being can meet? There is virtue in authenticity, integrity, honesty and humility. If people can't appreciate me for who I am, I'd rather not pursue a relationship with them.
People need to feel comfortable in their own skin rather than feel they need to do contortions or 'shapeshift' in order to conform to social norms. I agree. I'm sick of trying to change and 'fit in' so I can have relationships, yet eventually feel that my partner is not doing any change to 'fit in' with me. I end up feeling uncomfortable and unloved with the whole charade and get very stressed then bail out, not to return. How hard is it to find some who accepts you for who you are long term?
Famous INTJ Women
You are not an INTJ. Any INTJ who says he is a big flirt and already understood his intra-psychology world and actually managed to perfectly communicate inter personal behavioural rules with his partner aka explain that valentine is stupid etc is NOT INTJ.
Because most of them, and all that I have met so far are very close to the description given in this article. I totally agree with this. The writer sounded so much like an INFJ. And, as for generalizations, well this IS an internet article, so Perfectly said. I can play the part of other Myers-Briggs anytime I choose to, easy cheesy, because I've watched them all and know how they work, and if I need to I will in a work situation but NEVER with a relationship I want to work.
And the romance "GAME" why play it at all? Stupid Im gonna get you these cheap ass chocolates so I can get into your pants.
WOW what an original gift or idea I'm sure their originality pretty much stops there as well! THAT'S why we don't play the "games". To much trouble for no reward. I know what I bring to the table and I'm ok eating alone and anyone joining me better be able to respect me, talk to me on a level bigger than how is the weather! Being able to have deep meaningful conversations with the right person is way better than cheap gifts that go in the trash in a few days.
And about flirting, I can flirt in ways that will make someone think they left the planet. Spoken like an INTJ that wants to be right rather than listen and build bridges with others. Thankful I found one unlike this! Most other personality types probably would not have read your blog post. Well said. Thank you. You articulated my reaction to this article much better than I could.
I know how to play the games that seem to be part and parcel of courtship. I don't want to have to. Anyone who I could tolerate for the long haul is going to find those games as useless as I do. Not always. This is another example where gross generalizations are not particularly helpful and may lead to confusion. I'd also add that "hurry it up already" is an intolerant ENTJ like comment. That difference should be honored. What's wrong with enjoying the process? People can conversely be impulsive and make bad judgments in areas of romance.
Nothing sexy or romantic about an unwanted sexual encounter, pregnancy or marriage. I guess one of the things I take greatest pride in as an INTJ is the ability to make excellent decisions. I rarely regret the decisions I make because of the thought and analysis that I put into it. I would not say that about a lot of other types. There is virtue in deliberation and thoughtfulness, especially when it comes to relationships and their importance in our lives.
I agree completely that a different process must be honoured. But, sometimes, INTJs take this too far. It is right to be cautious before entering a relationship. It is also right that some objective criteria needs to be evaluated to determine compatibility before entering into a relationship.
But, once the initial screening has taken place and most criteria met, only time spent with a person can help you gauge long-term compatibility. Turning it around in your own head for years, before making a move, is a colossal waste of time for all concerned. A relationship requires some level of nurture I am an INTP, but even I know this and a lack of ego and arrogance, specially in the initial stages. If you starve it, as you turn around scenarios in your mind, it will surely die.
INTJs are perfectly capable of cutting off their noses to spite their faces and that's why you need condescending blog posts to give you a perspective that you clearly lack. Thanks for the article and thank you for this comment! Man are often attracted by myself physically, but they get intimidated after 5 minutes of conversation.
Guess what? I met an Intj Man, and I fall completely for him after accurate analysis of course I have been liking him for 4 years now, and he has been challenging me and observing for all this time,but yet, we are not in a real relationship even if I know that we are getting slowly slowly slowly slowly closer.
Looking at my not-intj girls-friends, I often feel like I am emotional failure of course on the intellectual side I beat them, but what for, if I am not able to touch the heart of the man i love the most on heart? Yeas, Love, exactly that! Amazing ah? On top my intj man is a super male, and he doesn't want to be pursued. I often feel like in a prison. This is an interesting article. As discussed in the article, and as lampooned on the television program 'The Big Bang Theory', romance is one of the most difficult challenges an INTJ may ever face.
I'm in my 40's now and never had a girlfriend, not even a flirtatious relationship, with anyone until I was Even then, I would have never met her if my co-workers hadn't set me up. First, they had talked me into trying online dating which was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months on three different online dating sites trying to find anyone who might possibly be worth trying to date. I managed to find a few whose profiles suggested this.
I think I corresponded almost pen pal style with nine or ten of them over that time period. Of those, only three kept it up long enough for me to somehow screw up the courage to ask them out on an actual date. The first one turned out to be so focused on one of the subjects that I simply can't stand, politics, that it was nearly impossible to have a good conversation with her. That was all she wanted to talk about and my attempts at 'small talk' usually failed. For her part, she was almost as totally uninterested in what was then my passion, botany, as I was in her's.
We had five or six dates before I finally gave up. I knew that it was time to give it up when she started talking about a guy she'd met at this presidential library where she volunteered did I mention that she was obsessed with politics?
She clearly found him more interesting than she did me, so I broke up with her. It was painful, because I'd finally taken the huge risk of attempting a romantic relationship and it had fizzled miserably. The second one seemed to be more interested in my work and hobbies, asking me lots of questions about it and encouraging me to tell all about the ups and downs of it When I finally met her for an actual date, she spent almost the entire time taking calls on her cell phone and talking to her friends.
On the first date, she even brought along her best friend as a sort of group date. That she wasn't willing to trust me enough to meet her at a restaurant with it being just the two of us was my first red flag. Having the phone to her ear most of the time was the second. But, I was so hoping not to have a repeat of the first disaster and her online correspondence was so fun, that I tried to keep going.
Then, after a few dates, I was involved in an auto accident that really hurt me. After I'd calle I called her and only got her voice mail. I left her a message saying what had happened. Then, I called my coworkers. They came immediately, even though they were further away, and helped me through it. I tried her again at the hospital and still got voicemail. She didn't call me back, not even the next day. When I finally got her to answer the phone a couple of days later, I wound up breaking up with her, letting her know that I had finally realized how low of a priority I was.
The third person I met online was the best yet. We had a ton of things in common: interests, growing up experiences, faith etc. I loved corresponding with her, and later on, talking with her on the phone. In fact, we are still friends and keep in touch on Facebook.
I am sorry, that has interfered... This situation is familiar To me. I invite to discussion. Write here or in PM.14.02.2020|Reply