Here against i 15 and dating an 18 year old think, that you
Skip to content. She had told me about him a month ago, telling me that this really cute guy kept approaching her to talk with her. At the time,I talked with her about ''the dangers'' while also validating how good it felt to have someone notice you etc. I told her she was not to give him her number. So, now they're texting and she's grinning and blushing and feeling all special. My mother-bear self wants to lay down the law and tell her no way in hell is she going to be dating an 18 year old who we know nothing about.
For purposes of this article, it is assumed that the fifteen-year-old is a female and the eighteen-year-old is a male. The critical law to understanding the gravity of the danger is to understand that a person under 18, under California law, cannot legally consent to sexual conduct (Penal Code § . May 05, 18 dating a 15 year old IS IT WRONG? I just turned 18 and my girlfriend is We LOVE each other and I treat her like a queen. But I've never dated someone 3 years younger than me. For some reason it feels wrong to me even though I know that I'm not taking advantage of her. I'm so into her and I would never cheat we.
Did you or another adult chauffeur, or was it at one of the kids' homes? Anything you would suggest or do different? All comments and suggestions are welcome. Single mom of teenager Well, I don't have that much experience with this as my daughter is 15 also. She has had two! Both were fairly short-lived.
They mostly spent time together at school, at lunch, or met before school for coffee. I met him on several occassions. I told her that I wanted to meet him before they went ''out'' anywhere. He came over to pick her up several times. They went to the movies, like on a real date! He came over to do homework a couple times. She went to his house once or twice, all when parents were home.
That's the rule, parents must be home. As far as a curfew. I always ask her to be home by dark, no matter what she's doing, out of not wanting her to walk around alone at night because it's not safe. After the movies though he walked her home. I offered to give him a ride home but he didn't want one. When she has been out later with others I often pick her up the joys of cell phones!
I guess when there is another boyfriend I will want to meet him also. I think it's a matter of what you are comfortable with and what she wants too. Just make sure she knows that she can call you anytime and you will pick her up. That you are on her side and supporting her. That way she might talk to you about any things she doesn't know how to handle. I also tell her if he wants to ''go farther'' than she does, she absolutely has the right to say ''no''.
This totally embarasses her and she doesn't want to talk about it, but I think she's listening.
Jan 31, A parent worries about speaking honestly to her year-old daughter, who is dating a year-old man. (Grandfailure/Getty Images/iStockphoto) January 31, at AM EST. Q: My daughter is year-old daughter interested in year-old boy Jan My 15 year old daughter informed me yesterday that she's been texting an 18 year old boy she met at the bus stop. She had told me about him a month ago, telling me that this really cute guy kept approaching her to talk with her. Friendly-like. Clearly, she was/is flattered. Can a 15 year old and 18 year old legally date and have sex? I'm dating this guy and his parents don't approve because he's 18 and I'm His parents tell him that he could get into trouble for having sex with me or dating me because I'm a minor.
I give my daughter possible things to say to boys in different situations because sometimes we just can't think of the right words at the right time! I am trying to teach her to stick up for herself, to not deny her inner feelings about someone, to use good judgement, and to be tactful also. It's a work in-progress. Good luck!
Kids can get together in a group in homes where parents cruise through at times From experience, I know some parents at home may mean zero supervision. Our daughter is 16 and figured out early that a lot of so-called dating is really an excuse for sexual experimentation. Some kids pretend they are drunk, and hence not responsible for their sexual behavior.
When my daughter asked me when I thought a girl was ready to have sex, I replied ''when she's ready to handle a baby. A lot of oral sex goes on in dating, with definite health risks, loss of reputation, etc. I'm generally very liberal but not when it comes to early dating.
Our daughter has a nice social life and is not suffering by not dating solo. Drugs also come into so- called dating. If our kids hang with a crowd that don't date, it's easier. Past efforts to monitor a dating situation have failed, either because of being lied to or because of being let down by a past boyfriend's dad who promised to supervise if the two spent time at his house when he WAS there and did not.
My daughter is beginning a new relationship. Knowing I cannot control what she does, I want to set age- appropriate parameters and attempt to hold her to them. If they are too tight it will backfire. Also, these parameters cannot be based on expecting truthfulness or abstinence. They have to be based on something else, giving her reasonable guidelines within which to learn to take responsibility for herself.
Its a complicated situation late, international, cross racial adoption, early trauma,etc. So please, no preaching. I would very much appreciate just seasoned experience and practical advice. Quite agree no preaching - if you believe your kid to be sexually active - and if it agrees with religious beliefs - I advise putting her on the pill. I am only speaking from experience my daughter, found herself pregnant at 14 and although it brought us closer together emotionally, it was not a pleasant experience.
She is now 18, more mature and a fabulous person, looking back she says I was just a kid - what did I know that something like that would happen to me.
I 15 and dating an 18 year old
Good luck with your daughter. I have a 16 year old daughter, though she is pretty easy, but I was a troubled 16 year old once and I have also transracially adopted a child with challenges.
I will speak from my experience as a troubled teen. The most important thing you can do and obviously already are is to be involved, and concerned. She needs to prove to you and herself that what you think, is of no concern to her - but it is a ruse - it matters more than she can accept or let on.
If you are not condemning and sounds like you are not but instead acknowledge the fact that this is ultimately a choice she must make about her own body, she will be more able to hear the things that you want to say about the situation. That does not mean, that if you think she is too young that you need to hide that opinion, but present it in a way that acknowledges her ability to make different decisions, and make sure it conveys your concerns about the effects her choices may have on her rather than an issue of right or wrong.
When adults approached me in this way when I was a teen, they made the most impact. As for the rules themselves, I think that the rules we set for teenagers are a safety net, not a protective coating, the kids can get around them if they are determined.
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You are obviously aware that a teen who is acting out like this will rebel against very restrictive rules, but that still leaves you room to maneuver. The task of a teenager is to become an adult, when a teen is troubled it is imperative that they learn that the responsibility for their actions is theirs alone.
It is a hard concept for teens anyone? I guess that is what I would most emphasize: share with her your genuine concern that she make choices that support her and tell her that to that end you will set certain rules with certain consequences, but then acknowledge her responsibility for being the one who ultimately will make these decisions. Good luck!! PS - Alanon might be supportive for you as the parent, even if she is not using any substances, the issues are close enough.
First of all, "disgusting" is a large exaggeration. I get it - she is your baby girl, and she's just a child except she's not. She's no longer just a child - she's now a young adult. It's not disgusting. You have to be certain that you dislike th. Jun 23, The Penal Code of California does not prohibit feeling love for someone. But there are very serious ramifications for engaging in any type of sexual behavior for your year-old boyfriend. Since you are asking this question, as the year-old and minor in the situation, you are really not at risk for being prosecuted for having sex with a minor. There's not really anything illegal about the 18 year old 'dating' a 15 year old. However, it gets to be a legal problem if 'dating' means 'having sexual relations.' If you are having sex with this 18 year old guy, then he is committing a felony offense that could make him a sex offender.
So I must ask first: What is it that you hope to accomplish with your rules? It's unclear to me what your goals are, and this is the first step in setting up guidelines or procedures of any sort. It sounds from your message as if you are conflicted with regard to your goal.
If you could, you might want to have a goal of get teen to stop having sex. But you seem equally convinced that this is not achievable. One possible starting place to think about your goals might be: Have teen and parents be both happy and safe. Then you can identify the sub-parts of this goal that will contribute to this. For instance, as you mentioned, garnering cooperation from another parent might be one route though it hasn't worked so far.
Getting appropriate health care for the teen might be another-taking her to the Planned Parenthood, or your physician, and getting her a complete checkup including STD screening, and good solid information on both pregnancy prevention and STDs, with access to appropriate condoms required in this day and age and possibly also hormonal protection as well pill, Depo-Provera, whatever.
Dragging her to this would not help, but having her understand that you are in partnership with her to ensure her safety as well as your peace of mind probably will. It's a business book called The Goal, by Eliyahu? It is a novel about manufacturing processes. No, really! And more strangely, it's very readable-even enjoyable!
The reason I think that it's useful in this case is that it talks about identifying what your goal is, and how to figure out where your bottlenecks are in the process.
Even better is the second book, called It's Not Luck. In that one, they set out some really powerful thinking processes that can help you identify a conflict, and see where seemingly irreconcilable differences can be shifted, if you can identify incorrect assumptions. The two together are actually pretty amazing, and there are several occasions when the examples used are from the protagonist's family life, so it's even clear how to apply it outside of the business world.
The process is very powerful, and my husband and I are planning to incorporate it into our personal and relationship coaching tools. Feel free to e-mail me individually, if you wish.
I have much more specific advice to offer, if you want it. And I assure you, it was not wonderful a few years ago, so it's not like we just have some miraculous kid, or are some unachievably enlightened parents ourselves!
Challenging, but highly worth it. Dawn I want to refer you and any other parents to a wonderful resource for any kind of parenting issues: Parents Leadership Institute PLI. I speak from my own experience as a teen who was sexually active at 14 and avoided getting pregnant but did NOT avoid sexually traumatic and exploitive situations invariably by older adults and not my peers.
First to the extent possible make sure that your daughter uses the pill or another highly effective form of birth control. Encourage her and her regular boyfriend if she has one to go as a couple to Planned Parenthood for an information session; in any case, make sure that someone other than you ensures that she is very well informed about birth control and STDs and gets some coaching on the latest ways to persuade partners to use a condom.
Second, help her to understand deeply that she alone can decide if she is consenting in consensual safe sex. Being pressured into having sex when she doesn't want to have sex attacks a girl's core self esteem and can lead to other problems with alcohol, drugs, self-cutting, etc.
Let her know how very important it is to ask herself how SHE feels and if SHE is ready to have sex with this particular person at this particular moment. She needs to know that although having genuinely consensual safe sex can be a joyful experience, she may need help to handle the feelings that come up because sex is a radical form of intimacy. Sex is powerful stuff. Who can she talk to about how it really feels?
If she is driving her own car, encourage her to come home at a reasonable hour and to routinely tell her friends that she will be grounded forever if she doesn't make the curfew.
This will make it a little easier for her to get out of situations where she is in over her head. Most important is to encourage her to LOVE herself, to exercise her power to take care of her core self, which is indistinguishable from her body, with confidence and joy.
Just want to say thanks to the people who responded to my question about teen dating. Your responses were a help and a support.
I have a 12 yr old 7th grade boy who has been getting calls from different girls to go out with him often 8th graders. Usually it's a girl calling for a friend who wants to go out with him. But now reality hits: my son has had a crush on a girl for about 9 months. Evidently she likes him,too and they've shared their feelings with one another.
They see each other only at school. She has let her friends know that she wants to go out with him and they in turn have told him. Question: would that mean go out on a date, or go steady with her. Parents with older kids: how did you handle all this?
I'm 18, She's 15; We're Dating; Is that a Problem? Illegal?
I want my kids to be open and honest with me and not sneak around if I'm too strict. When I was growing up I snuck out on dates by saying I was going to a friends house. I don't want that with my own kids. If your kids did go steady, how did they handle breaking up?
I know a lot depends more on maturity level than on age, but have any of you come up with any rules of thumb methods? Here I am supposedly guiding my son and I'm just as confused as he is.
He has definitely been feeling pressure with these phone calls. This much I've learned: girls have gotten very aggressive with phoning boys as I've spoken to others parents of boys who are getting the same thing.
I wish the phone calls would stop! How does a kid say No and not sound like a nerd. There's not really anything illegal about the 18 year old 'dating' a 15 year old. However, it gets to be a legal problem if 'dating' means 'having sexual relations. Older guys like to 'date' younger girls because they tend to have more influence over the girl Don't let this hero take advantage of you! If you like the guy, keep it on a non-sexual level.
If the guy pressures you for sex That's also a sex offense when he's 18 and you are Justia Ask a Lawyer is a forum for consumers to get answers to basic legal questions.
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